Posted by: Jim Bell | February 19, 2011

Ministerial Mon-Mots

July 14,1687, a holy day, Mr. James Kirk, minister of Balmaggy (Balmaghie), in the County of Kirkcudbright, being to preach, held up the tail of his coat, and begun his preface thus, “Beloved, beloved, behold and see how I am torn by dogs, and bespattered by whores?” whereupon some of the people rising to go out of the church, he said, “you may think this an unusual preface, but be not offended, for it is as true as strange: and seeing a tale without a reason signifies nothing, I’ll make it plain to you. This morning, as I walked by the water side in my slippers, without stockings for the cool of the air, I perceived a woman raking hay, and discharged her, ordering her to prepare for sermon; but she refusing, I went to pull the rake from her, and falling backward over a hay-cock, she fell upon me, and defiled me, but whether out of fear or malice I cannot tell. And in the mean time, a little cursed dog that she had, fell a biting my legs, as you may see by the blood on my gown.”

Scotch Presbyterian eloquence display’d

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