Posted by: Jim Bell | March 3, 2011

A Crossmichael Service

A clergyman of Crossmichael, in Galloway, would even intersperse his lessons or sermon with any announcement that might at the moment occur to him, or with allusions to the behaviour of his hearers. Once, because of this method, a verse from Exodus was hardly recognisable. The version given was as follows: “And the Lord said unto Moses — shut that door; I’m thinkin’ if ye had to sit beside that door yersel’, ye wadna be sae ready leavin’ it open; it was just beside that door that Yedam Tamson, the bellman, gat his death o’ cauld, an’ I’m sure, honest man, he didna lat it stey muckle open. — And the Lord said unto Moses — put oot that dog; wha is’t that brings dogs to the kirk, yaff-yaffin’? Lat me never see ye bring yer dogs here ony mair, for, if ye do, tak notice, I’ll put you an’ them baith oot. — And the Lord said unto Moses — I see a man aneeth that wast laft [west balcony] wi’ his hat on; I’m sure ye’re cleen oot o’ the souch o’ the door; keep aff yer bonnet, Tammas, an’ if yer bare pow be cauld, ye maun jist get a grey worset wig like mysel’; they’re no sae dear; plenty o’ them at Bob Gillespie’s for tenpence.” At last, however, the preacher informed his hearers what was said to Moses in a manner at once more accurate and becoming.

The above appeared in the book Ecclesiastical curiosities published in 1899.


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